The harsh reality of relationships is that many couples (especially those with children) have become used to a routine which doesn't include their partner:
Wake up, gym, coffee, work, coffee with friends, home, dinner for the kids, shower, Facebook/Instagram, sleep - Repeat.
With Self-Isolation and Working From Home, couples and families will be tested even more as (implicit) boundaries are crossed, (implicit) expectations are not met and (you guessed it - implicit) standards are fallen short of.
With the increased tension between partners (in already strained relationships), panic-buying of your favourite alcohol and the 60-70% off sales of kitchen knife sets, the probability of possible jail time from alcohol-induced domestic violence cases involving kitchen utensils could increase dramatically (or perhaps I am just projecting my reality on to you).
In either case, there are ways to prevent this from happening. Follow these easy steps to avoid self-isolating in your local police station.
Be explicitly clear about what and when domestic chores need to be done each day! Use a Kanban board and have a daily standup so everyone in the house is clear on what is expected of them for the day. WFH does not mean we have the whole day to clean the house.
Book time in your calendar for everything - book time for domestic tasks as you would a work meeting, book time for connecting with your partner, book time for dinner with your family and honour that time.
Be present when you're spending time with your family or partner. Check in with them to see how they're feeling and ask what YOU can do to make things better
As human beings, we have 6 basic needs in relationships. A relationship needs to be nurtured and cultivated so it can grow and flourish. It's important that we all check in with our partners periodically to find out how they are doing in this 6 basic areas:
Love and Connection - is your partner feeling the love and connection from you and vice versa? Remember that you cannot rely on your partner to make you happy. Your happiness is YOUR responsibility. A relationship should start with 2 happy people who choose to walk together as they live their individual lives pursuing their own goals and dreams..
Relevance - as we progress through different stages in relationships and family life, our roles change and the relevance we felt in a previous role (eg bread winner) may have changed in a new role (eg stay-at-home dad). It's crucial that each partner still feels relevant through these changes in roles. Other examples of role changes are from stay-at-home parent (children-at-home) to empty-nester. These changes can be difficult to manage or process so it's important to be aware when these changes occur.
Certainty - How certain is your partner of your commitment to them? Are you showing your love for your partner as often as you did before in the ways that he/she needs. How will you provide more certainty? More importantly, how does your partner need to be shown certainty?
Variety - Is your relationship stagnating or are you creating a world of excitement and adventure (where possible). Are you having fun??
Growth - Are you growing together? Are your goals aligned (Note: they don't have to be the same)?
Contribution - In the words of Winston Churchill, "We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give." Are you and your partner aligned
Your workspace - Don't work from bed! Have a dedicated space far, far away from your bed, ideally with the shower, toilet and kitchen on the way. Make sure your space is conducive to productive work with the right equipment, comfortable space and minimal distractions.
Wear pants - enough said..
Connect with people - reach out regularly to colleagues and friends on video calls. See their faces, hear their voices, make fun of them, tell them how much you appreciate having them in your lives and are grateful for them. If you already do this, do it more.
Much love
Victor